Monday, August 20, 2012
Graphics x2
Finally summer school is over! And I don't have to go to cram school anymore either! Woop! Despite the fact that this break is only for one week. Then, school starts. T^T Either way, if I do well this year, I can play for 3~5 months next year!
Friday, August 17, 2012
Wheedle [ Luhan x You ]
There are some people who are simply
crazy; they are not fit to be human. They simply don’t have any feelings
towards what they do. I loved him so much, I fell in love with him numerous
times, and I thought that maybe he would get my feelings one day and stop his
actions. I was wrong, he has fallen too deep. I’ve just been a toy in his plan.
In the end, everything went his way.
I don’t get how some people are able
to make you fall in love with them for a moment, then shatter your heart like
you were never meant to be.
Did they actually plan this? Or was
it their natural habit?
I hope it’s neither, because it hurts.
You can never really forget the
feeling you get when they suddenly change, when they say you’re a piece of
trash. When they jeer at you with their hollow eyes, telling you they were only
playing with you.
People who haven’t been through
this, tells you to forget and live on. That they are not worthy enough to be a
part of your precious life, no matter how much you’ve loved them.
But the wounds they make—leave scars.
Truth to be told, I get scared every
now and then about what he thinks of me. I wonder what runs in his head when he
hears my name, because he surely doesn’t show anything.
I get confused a lot, and that confusion
makes me frustrated and being in frustration for too long—drives me into
madness. That madness slowly forms into hate. There’s always a limit to how
much a person can endure another’s physical and verbal ways.
The sharp sound of glass breaking against the
marble floor echoes in the air. The silence after the impact is what’s truly
eerie. You don’t know what’s going to happen during the few moments of secrecy.
“You’ve got to stop doing that!” I hush. The
absence of sound is hard for my heart, where it beats so rapidly, thumping
against my chest, forcing my body heat to rise. This feeling of being scared,
is something that happens daily.
There were two sides of him, a lovely prince or a
scowling beast. Both of them leave damage to my heart mentally. And sometimes
physically—when the beast comes out. I’m aware of everything now, saying what
needs to say and nothing more, only eating what I need and not desire for more.
I don’t want him to find a chance to pick out my mistake, and get all angry.
“I hate you, I hate you!” He comes yelling and
waving his fist into my room. He reeks of alcohol. “You and that stupid
marriage! Taking away my right and free will to love another being!”
“You’re a pathetic girl. What can
you achieve?” Luhan laughed. “You’re even worse than Kai.” The shade of his
cheeks has turned bright red. I didn’t know what he drank, but he’s become more
hurtful than ever.
Standing in front of him, I grasp my
chest, and with my eyes closed, I hope—that
he can accomplish his dream. Mother said to compliment or encourage another
when I am disturbed by their behavior. Then, I won’t feel that hard thing that
clogs in my throat, because having hope in people, will deflate and overpower
the frustration, and light a way.
I went to sleep on the couch, afraid
to disturb the sleeping Luhan. So he accidentally drank alcohol instead of
medicine, or else he wouldn’t be in that state. It’s highly doubtable though.
He has been in quite a bad mood, that he bashes all the pressure on me.
There’s nothing I can do about this
situation, but keep blessing him. I want him to see over his confidence that
has turned into arrogance. I need him to know that his confidence is going to
turn on him in the end. Luhan knows I won’t
leave him. He knows I don’t have the courage to do that.
“Baby…You there?” Luhan’s voice
wakes me from my slumber. He seems to be in a much better mood. That’s a
relief. And somehow, I can see a small smile on his lips.
“Does your head hurt?” I whisper. He
hates it when I speak loudly, to him, my voice is a nuisance.
“A little. Can you rub it for me?”
He walks over casually, planting himself on the soft carpet, leaning his back
against me. The smell of his hair and clothes are sweet. I’ve always loved this
smell, but he would say it’s disgusting. I don’t know when and where he changed
back into these plain clothes, when he would just wear those suits and have
girls flutter around him. That’s what he smelt like. Like a monster.
“Is this good enough?” I place my
hands on his head, rubbing it and stroking his hair.
Silence erupts. “You don’t have to
be so scared.” He whispers.
“Thank you.” I mumble. Although I
act like nothing is bothering me on the outside, I’m really uncertain. What are
his motives? Why is he telling me that? How can I not love him? He looks so
innocent, like a child, yet everyone is afraid of him, afraid that he would
hurt them. Luhan has this gift to talk people into doing things for him. He can
buy anyone with only his mouth.
I fell for it, too. And now I’m
falling for him all over again. I fell for him when we first met, when my dad
introduced me to him. He was cool yet distant at that time, but he wasn’t mean
at all. He treated me like a normal girl despite our status after marriage; I
was sad, but quickly recovered. These things need time, why rush it? Not until
I knew what he was doing all this time. My love for him shattered—no, it didn’t.
I still loved him, but my patience was gone. I couldn’t stand him. He’s simply
a playboy, a dandy that is sneaking and snooping behind my back. I never knew
he hated me that much until he poured everything out last night. Those fury
eyes were full of loathe. There wasn’t a hint of mercy.
“I’m really sorry.” Luhan rubbed the
back off his head. “For what I said last night.”
“Which part?” I practically yelled. I’m
furious all over again; I can’t stand holding everything in. This Luhan seems
so nice, seems like someone I can trust. Maybe I might be able to tell him a
little of what I felt about the old him, in case I won’t have the chance to let
everything out ever again. And even if the next minute this Luhan turns out to
be the old, cold, distant him, I have already decided to confront him.
I stand up, my veins forming on my
neck and my hands. It always happens when I’m angry. My blood pressure becomes
high, and the instant it reaches its limit, my vascular would explode. If it’s
serious, I would die. Even the slightest effects would give me a stroke. I
inherited this from my parents.
The beautiful pink sky reflected off
of Luhan’s shocked face. His eyes were round and wide, looking at me. It’s
still early, around five in the morning. I don’t want to ruin the quiet and
peaceful dawn.
“I’ve been hurt so many times, every
single time! You get mad, drunk, then the next morning you tell me you’re
sorry. You tell me you didn’t mean to, you say that you’re trying to adapt to
this marriage. But it always repeats. It happens again! And you better not be
playing with me this time.” I cry. The tinkling feeling reaches my nose, it’s
the first step before I start to tear up.
My vision was blurred, I reached a
hand to wipe away the tears, but Luhan catches my arm. “Don’t wipe it away.
Cry.” He holds onto my arm, then he stands up to face me. I can hear his
heartbeat already—or was it my own? “Calm down and cry.”
Luhan pulls our bodies together, his
arms circled around my shoulders, and his bends his head down to face mine. He
lands his lips on my forehead and pulls me even closer. This time, I’m sure I
heard his nice patterned heart beats. I literally cry, my muffled screams were
being absorbed into his shirt, including the tears from my eyes. He stands
there, with his head rested on my shoulder.
I hug him tightly, basically
squeezing him. “Stop making me fall in love with you every single time.”
“Don’t worry, this will be the last
time I’ll ever hurt you.” Luhan pulls away; he places a palm on my cheek,
causing me to blush.
It has been like that for days, to
weeks, to months and finally, it has been two years. Luhan obeyed, he protected
me, he loved me and he kept his promise to never hurt me again.
One morning, I was watching the
sunrise, remembering the day where he actually treated me like a different
person, as someone special. Today, I was waiting for him to come back from
work. He should be back from the airport any minute now.
The door unlocks, I run to the front
door. “Lu!” I exclaim.
“Hey.” Luhan smiles widely.
“I’m going to be a mother!” I cry in
excitement, running to him. The minute our body made contact, he pulled me off
the ground, spinning around and around.
“And I’m going to be a father…” Luhan
can’t believe the news. He was speechless. After he let me down, he placed his
arm around my shoulders and wolf whistled. I smile as I look up at him, feeling
the happy aura beaming around us. He places his hands over mine and we silently
stare at each other, a soft smile playing on our lips.
“Let’s celebrate tonight.” Luhan
suggests.
“Sure.”
“Do you remember?” He asks.
“Remember what?”
“What day today is…” He whispered.
“Not really.”
“Sheesh. And I thought girls were
supposed to remember these kinds of things. Today was the day we first met.
When our parents introduced us.” Luhan exclaimed, his eyebrows were wriggling
and his eyes were unforgivable. “How could you forget?”
“Ah. I’m sorry.” A blush dances on
my cheek, slowly working its way all over my face.
“Well, dates shouldn’t really matter
huh? Luhan smiles again.
That night, he drove in his car,
taking me to a high class restaurant. We were forced to eat elegantly and not
goof off, though it was hard, we maintained our composure. Through half of the
meal, guys in suits started making their way into the restaurant.
I wondered what was wrong. Luhan was
calm, so I didn’t pay attention to them anymore. But they started getting
closer to our table; their loud ruff voices were discussing something. Then,
Luhan touched my hand, his eyes firm.
“Don’t be distracted by them.” He
simply says.
“Alright…” I reply.
As soon as I turn my head around to
face Luhan again, his hand had reached out in front of my face. I watch his
hands touch my chin, and then he grips it tightly around my neck. As soon as he
does that, the man in suits come toward us.
“Go die.” Luhan jeered.
“W-what?”
“I mean exactly what I said.” He
cried. “Your dad killed my father for money. Your dad stole our hotel away.
Your dad made me marry you so he can keep an eye on me!”
“I never knew.” I tremble. I want to
pull his hands off of me. It doesn’t hurt anymore, what hurts is my heart. “You
should have never made any promises, if you can’t keep them.”
“I never loved you. I never did and
never would. I just wanted to get revenge.” Luhan let go of my neck. He sat
back on his chair and watched as the guys grabbed onto me, pulling me toward the
stairs. I never thought I’d die this way, but apparently, that’s not what they
wanted.
They pushed me down the stairs all
right, but the only real thought I have now, is the baby. Although it’s only a
few weeks old, the life…the little life is now dead. I cannot bare the pain
that Luhan is giving me once again. How cruel can he be? He’s mad; he has
turned into a complete freak. A beast, a monster!
I don’t believe he never had
feelings for me, I don’t believe what he means. No one could have acted like
that, no one could have…wait, my bad—Luhan can do all that, because he’s simply
not human.
He has made me meet death for so
many times, but he kept me alive, just to hurt me more mentally. I should have
never thought he would change. Our whole relationship has been a wheedle, a
game and a revenge.
For all I know, I’ve been so stupid.
Labels: Lu Han, Oneshot: Wheedle, You
Friday, August 3, 2012
Newest Poster!
I made two posters, one is a light one the other is the opposite! :D The light one is better though, the blending and all. I'm really sad, a classmate of mine has left our class. We've been together in the same class for two years already, I don't want him to go. Seriously, he's a friend. T^T I hate saying goodbye!!! KJADLEWHHFEHFEWHEH, I am really depressed!
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Happy Birthday
I know today is also Super Junior Leeteuk's birthday, but it's also my best friend's birthday. Either way, I made this graphic for her, despite the complicated relationship we're in right now. I want her to know, that she's going to be my best friend for lifetime! It's not going to be easy, keeping up with each other and all, and sometimes I become lazy to do anything with my old friends, but I will, I swear I will treat her better, treat her as family and overcome this kind of squishy feeling I have in my heart.
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| I should have added the texture better, look at Jongup's poor face! *0* He's literally covered. |
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Upon Reflection [ Luhan x You ]
I
didn’t want this, I didn’t hope for this, but it happened, and there’s no
turning back unless we both forget, but it’s going to be hard—because wounds leave
scars. I’m sorry to have made Luhan
angry, maybe hate me even, just because I can’t control my emotions that run
through.
I’ve really done it this time. Luhan said
so himself. I can’t believe I can be so self-centered. I deserve to have no
friend, that’s what I should be—isolated.
Ever since seeing her and him so close, so
friendly, I feel like a light bulb. And I am starting to doubt our friendship.
We get into conflicts easily, partly because of me. I’m being a sensitive,
arrogant and pathetic girl. That’s what Luhan called me.
“You’re someone who want people to do what
you want aren’t you? The type of person that wants people to pity you!” Luhan
jeers.
That really hurts, knowing it came from
him. I still remember his raised voice, the annoyed aura he has and those dark
eyes.
Have I done really wrong this time? I
couldn’t hold it. We’re at the state when we have nothing to talk about. And it’s
funny, how our zodiac signs are totally incompatible, yet we still managed to
become such friends.
But thinking back, is our friendship this
lightly taken? What’s this feeling that’s squeezing and hurting my heart? It’s
this scorching guilt and regret building up. All I can think about is how wrong
I’ve been.
“Why did you want to cancel?” Luhan asked.
“Hmm…” Was all I replied.
“Why?” He waited and waited. “What do you
mean by that? Why? Tell me!”
He wanted to know the reason, but I don’t
even know myself. I just don’t want him to invite her to this ‘start of summer
break’ party. It was always Luhan and I. Always.
I can’t tell him that. That’s so greedy, so selfish. He grew so impatient,
he was actually scary.
But losing him in this totally abrupt way
is even more painful and frustrating. I want to be alone tomorrow. I don’t want
that party—should I force myself to have fun?
I’m afraid to lose everyone when they come
to see the real pathetic me. It’s just so hard to maintain the jealousy. No one
understands my mind, my heart, no one will want to listen to all these. What
will come of Luhan and I? What will?
It’s almost midnight—and I haven’t prepared
anything for his birthday tomorrow. How horrible of me. Loneliness is getting
the best of me; it’s not anything simple anymore. Not a reassuring smile from
Luhan would fix my broken mind—and heart.
Despite everything, I’ll say this secretly.
“Happy Advance Birthday.”
Labels: Lu Han, Oneshot: Upon Reflection, You
Monday, June 25, 2012
Naruto Daisuki
I just totally love this gif!
"Don't worry, I'm okay." -Naruto
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Grip [ Kai x You ]
It’s
happening again, my desire to skip school. Every time I have this thought, it’s
always Sunday. A day before the week starts. And it’s always the event on Friday
that makes me so melodramatic.
I
become aware of what others think of me now. I want to know what’s in their
minds when they hear my name, but knowing that much might actually tear me
apart. This is reality, this is life.
Sometimes,
I cry alone when everyone has gone to sleep. My body becomes hot and sweaty, my
tears burn my eyes, and my body twitches unintentionally. I would jeer so hard,
wondering why it’s me—why I have to face this. Why I have thoughts like this.
I
just make my life miserable and in vain with these thoughts. I’m a pathetic,
dreary being that has no motivation for life, no heart to simply try and
overcome what I am. Is this a direction? Some sort of challenge that I need to
face? I don’t believe in those.
But
I want to believe and trust something. Why isn’t there someone in my life that
can guide me? That can tell me how much I’m worth?
It
took me so long to find out, that I, myself am the one capable of expressing
myself. I need to try; I have to try—until I overcome this pain in my heart. There
are no real pain, there can’t be. Everything just passes by each second.
The
fan and my sniffles are the only sounds that could be heard in the household.
Oh, and the sudden flicker of light from the house next door. I sometimes
wonder if my cries would be heard. Our houses are so closely separated, I can
see a figure from the corner of my eye, but I was soon blinded by more tears.
“You’re
not running away are you?”
“Huh?”
I reply. I can barely recognize that as my voice. It’s so raspy, filled with
trembles.
I
was aware that the window of the other house is now opened. I sat up from the
bed and taking a few tissues, I waited for the person—the guy to reveal
himself. His voice was like the voice I heard at the swimming competition. The
voice that told me to keep on going, there’s only a little distance left. I
loved that voice. Someone believed in me.
That’s what I felt at that time. I just wish I can feel the same now.
“Everything
will be okay.” He says.
“I’ve
been telling myself that for quite some time already.” I mutter. “Who are you?”
“If
it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”
He’s
not helping one bit. “Go away, anonymous.” Despite the hot weather, I closed
the window, shunned him outside of my view. I resumed back to lying on the bed,
enjoying the solitude.
“Don’t
leave, yet.”
“Shut
it! Leave me alone with my thoughts!” I cry back.
“Thoughts?
They are seeds that kill.” He hisses. “Now listen up you self-centered girl—get a grip.”
My
rapid heartbeats disturbed the apprehensive memories and feelings from
appearing in my mind, instead, they stayed back, letting me hear the clear
thumps of my heart. I want a grip, I really do. All this time, I only wanted
someone to tell me that, someone that can get some sense into me.
It
used to be my mother, but I can’t tell her these thoughts. She would tell me
not to mind them, but I care about every single thing everyone says and does!
That’s just me and what I have come to do since I was small. I can’t just stop,
I don’t know how. That’s not the right way to help me!
“I
didn’t have friends.” He continues. “Everyone looked down on me. I don’t have a
family, and my grades are below average. Loneliness is what I felt. I can’t
change the way people think of me, but you can. You don’t know the effect you
can do.”
“C-Can
I know your name?” The throbbing has gone, the beating has died, my nose has
stuffed up, yet the feeling of remorse is building up in me. I’m so stupid.
“Kai.”
“Thank
you, Kai.” Finally, someone’s words have reached me. Sometimes, a stranger’s
words are much more useful than anyone I know. I have to remember, there’s
always someone out there, who’s in a much worse situation than I am.
And
meeting that person will let you have a different view in yourself.
“Congratulations
on winning the swimming race.” Kai laughs. “Don’t run away from yourself okay?”
Labels: Kai, Oneshot: Grip, You