There are some people who are simply
crazy; they are not fit to be human. They simply don’t have any feelings
towards what they do. I loved him so much, I fell in love with him numerous
times, and I thought that maybe he would get my feelings one day and stop his
actions. I was wrong, he has fallen too deep. I’ve just been a toy in his plan.
In the end, everything went his way.
I don’t get how some people are able
to make you fall in love with them for a moment, then shatter your heart like
you were never meant to be.
Did they actually plan this? Or was
it their natural habit?
I hope it’s neither, because it hurts.
You can never really forget the
feeling you get when they suddenly change, when they say you’re a piece of
trash. When they jeer at you with their hollow eyes, telling you they were only
playing with you.
People who haven’t been through
this, tells you to forget and live on. That they are not worthy enough to be a
part of your precious life, no matter how much you’ve loved them.
But the wounds they make—leave scars.
Truth to be told, I get scared every
now and then about what he thinks of me. I wonder what runs in his head when he
hears my name, because he surely doesn’t show anything.
I get confused a lot, and that confusion
makes me frustrated and being in frustration for too long—drives me into
madness. That madness slowly forms into hate. There’s always a limit to how
much a person can endure another’s physical and verbal ways.
The sharp sound of glass breaking against the
marble floor echoes in the air. The silence after the impact is what’s truly
eerie. You don’t know what’s going to happen during the few moments of secrecy.
“You’ve got to stop doing that!” I hush. The
absence of sound is hard for my heart, where it beats so rapidly, thumping
against my chest, forcing my body heat to rise. This feeling of being scared,
is something that happens daily.
There were two sides of him, a lovely prince or a
scowling beast. Both of them leave damage to my heart mentally. And sometimes
physically—when the beast comes out. I’m aware of everything now, saying what
needs to say and nothing more, only eating what I need and not desire for more.
I don’t want him to find a chance to pick out my mistake, and get all angry.
“I hate you, I hate you!” He comes yelling and
waving his fist into my room. He reeks of alcohol. “You and that stupid
marriage! Taking away my right and free will to love another being!”
“You’re a pathetic girl. What can
you achieve?” Luhan laughed. “You’re even worse than Kai.” The shade of his
cheeks has turned bright red. I didn’t know what he drank, but he’s become more
hurtful than ever.
Standing in front of him, I grasp my
chest, and with my eyes closed, I hope—that
he can accomplish his dream. Mother said to compliment or encourage another
when I am disturbed by their behavior. Then, I won’t feel that hard thing that
clogs in my throat, because having hope in people, will deflate and overpower
the frustration, and light a way.
I went to sleep on the couch, afraid
to disturb the sleeping Luhan. So he accidentally drank alcohol instead of
medicine, or else he wouldn’t be in that state. It’s highly doubtable though.
He has been in quite a bad mood, that he bashes all the pressure on me.
There’s nothing I can do about this
situation, but keep blessing him. I want him to see over his confidence that
has turned into arrogance. I need him to know that his confidence is going to
turn on him in the end. Luhan knows I won’t
leave him. He knows I don’t have the courage to do that.
“Baby…You there?” Luhan’s voice
wakes me from my slumber. He seems to be in a much better mood. That’s a
relief. And somehow, I can see a small smile on his lips.
“Does your head hurt?” I whisper. He
hates it when I speak loudly, to him, my voice is a nuisance.
“A little. Can you rub it for me?”
He walks over casually, planting himself on the soft carpet, leaning his back
against me. The smell of his hair and clothes are sweet. I’ve always loved this
smell, but he would say it’s disgusting. I don’t know when and where he changed
back into these plain clothes, when he would just wear those suits and have
girls flutter around him. That’s what he smelt like. Like a monster.
“Is this good enough?” I place my
hands on his head, rubbing it and stroking his hair.
Silence erupts. “You don’t have to
be so scared.” He whispers.
“Thank you.” I mumble. Although I
act like nothing is bothering me on the outside, I’m really uncertain. What are
his motives? Why is he telling me that? How can I not love him? He looks so
innocent, like a child, yet everyone is afraid of him, afraid that he would
hurt them. Luhan has this gift to talk people into doing things for him. He can
buy anyone with only his mouth.
I fell for it, too. And now I’m
falling for him all over again. I fell for him when we first met, when my dad
introduced me to him. He was cool yet distant at that time, but he wasn’t mean
at all. He treated me like a normal girl despite our status after marriage; I
was sad, but quickly recovered. These things need time, why rush it? Not until
I knew what he was doing all this time. My love for him shattered—no, it didn’t.
I still loved him, but my patience was gone. I couldn’t stand him. He’s simply
a playboy, a dandy that is sneaking and snooping behind my back. I never knew
he hated me that much until he poured everything out last night. Those fury
eyes were full of loathe. There wasn’t a hint of mercy.
“I’m really sorry.” Luhan rubbed the
back off his head. “For what I said last night.”
“Which part?” I practically yelled. I’m
furious all over again; I can’t stand holding everything in. This Luhan seems
so nice, seems like someone I can trust. Maybe I might be able to tell him a
little of what I felt about the old him, in case I won’t have the chance to let
everything out ever again. And even if the next minute this Luhan turns out to
be the old, cold, distant him, I have already decided to confront him.
I stand up, my veins forming on my
neck and my hands. It always happens when I’m angry. My blood pressure becomes
high, and the instant it reaches its limit, my vascular would explode. If it’s
serious, I would die. Even the slightest effects would give me a stroke. I
inherited this from my parents.
The beautiful pink sky reflected off
of Luhan’s shocked face. His eyes were round and wide, looking at me. It’s
still early, around five in the morning. I don’t want to ruin the quiet and
peaceful dawn.
“I’ve been hurt so many times, every
single time! You get mad, drunk, then the next morning you tell me you’re
sorry. You tell me you didn’t mean to, you say that you’re trying to adapt to
this marriage. But it always repeats. It happens again! And you better not be
playing with me this time.” I cry. The tinkling feeling reaches my nose, it’s
the first step before I start to tear up.
My vision was blurred, I reached a
hand to wipe away the tears, but Luhan catches my arm. “Don’t wipe it away.
Cry.” He holds onto my arm, then he stands up to face me. I can hear his
heartbeat already—or was it my own? “Calm down and cry.”
Luhan pulls our bodies together, his
arms circled around my shoulders, and his bends his head down to face mine. He
lands his lips on my forehead and pulls me even closer. This time, I’m sure I
heard his nice patterned heart beats. I literally cry, my muffled screams were
being absorbed into his shirt, including the tears from my eyes. He stands
there, with his head rested on my shoulder.
I hug him tightly, basically
squeezing him. “Stop making me fall in love with you every single time.”
“Don’t worry, this will be the last
time I’ll ever hurt you.” Luhan pulls away; he places a palm on my cheek,
causing me to blush.
It has been like that for days, to
weeks, to months and finally, it has been two years. Luhan obeyed, he protected
me, he loved me and he kept his promise to never hurt me again.
One morning, I was watching the
sunrise, remembering the day where he actually treated me like a different
person, as someone special. Today, I was waiting for him to come back from
work. He should be back from the airport any minute now.
The door unlocks, I run to the front
door. “Lu!” I exclaim.
“Hey.” Luhan smiles widely.
“I’m going to be a mother!” I cry in
excitement, running to him. The minute our body made contact, he pulled me off
the ground, spinning around and around.
“And I’m going to be a father…” Luhan
can’t believe the news. He was speechless. After he let me down, he placed his
arm around my shoulders and wolf whistled. I smile as I look up at him, feeling
the happy aura beaming around us. He places his hands over mine and we silently
stare at each other, a soft smile playing on our lips.
“Let’s celebrate tonight.” Luhan
suggests.
“Sure.”
“Do you remember?” He asks.
“Remember what?”
“What day today is…” He whispered.
“Not really.”
“Sheesh. And I thought girls were
supposed to remember these kinds of things. Today was the day we first met.
When our parents introduced us.” Luhan exclaimed, his eyebrows were wriggling
and his eyes were unforgivable. “How could you forget?”
“Ah. I’m sorry.” A blush dances on
my cheek, slowly working its way all over my face.
“Well, dates shouldn’t really matter
huh? Luhan smiles again.
That night, he drove in his car,
taking me to a high class restaurant. We were forced to eat elegantly and not
goof off, though it was hard, we maintained our composure. Through half of the
meal, guys in suits started making their way into the restaurant.
I wondered what was wrong. Luhan was
calm, so I didn’t pay attention to them anymore. But they started getting
closer to our table; their loud ruff voices were discussing something. Then,
Luhan touched my hand, his eyes firm.
“Don’t be distracted by them.” He
simply says.
“Alright…” I reply.
As soon as I turn my head around to
face Luhan again, his hand had reached out in front of my face. I watch his
hands touch my chin, and then he grips it tightly around my neck. As soon as he
does that, the man in suits come toward us.
“Go die.” Luhan jeered.
“W-what?”
“I mean exactly what I said.” He
cried. “Your dad killed my father for money. Your dad stole our hotel away.
Your dad made me marry you so he can keep an eye on me!”
“I never knew.” I tremble. I want to
pull his hands off of me. It doesn’t hurt anymore, what hurts is my heart. “You
should have never made any promises, if you can’t keep them.”
“I never loved you. I never did and
never would. I just wanted to get revenge.” Luhan let go of my neck. He sat
back on his chair and watched as the guys grabbed onto me, pulling me toward the
stairs. I never thought I’d die this way, but apparently, that’s not what they
wanted.
They pushed me down the stairs all
right, but the only real thought I have now, is the baby. Although it’s only a
few weeks old, the life…the little life is now dead. I cannot bare the pain
that Luhan is giving me once again. How cruel can he be? He’s mad; he has
turned into a complete freak. A beast, a monster!
I don’t believe he never had
feelings for me, I don’t believe what he means. No one could have acted like
that, no one could have…wait, my bad—Luhan can do all that, because he’s simply
not human.
He has made me meet death for so
many times, but he kept me alive, just to hurt me more mentally. I should have
never thought he would change. Our whole relationship has been a wheedle, a
game and a revenge.
For all I know, I’ve been so stupid.
